and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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