4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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