So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
