Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
