we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
