speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
