Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
