chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
