I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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