my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
