I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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