That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
