you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
