i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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