You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
