the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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