I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize