You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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