Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
