i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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