Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
