I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just pee around me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
