Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
