Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
