i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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