bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
