Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
