just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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