your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
