sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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