Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
