What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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