She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize