Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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