last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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