Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
