I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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