I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
