I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
