didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
