So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
