Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
