This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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