White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
