She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
