is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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