dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
