oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Boobs are out for the taking
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
