Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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