he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
