Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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