Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
