I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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