I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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