When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
