i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
