No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
