I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
