dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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