I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
