We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
