Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
