Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize