I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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