It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
