"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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