mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
