hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
