I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
