You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
