STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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