I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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