I think I died a long time ago.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
