I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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