in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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