so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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