The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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