just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
